we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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