White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
