i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
pray to the hookup gods
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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