i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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