my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
