I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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