I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
