Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Randomize