You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Randomize
