You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
