I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
