Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
