I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize