Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
