I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
worst night to have a conscience
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
third nipple confirmed
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
