The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
