I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
