omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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