Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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