OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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