Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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