I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
