the condom got lost in my hair
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
