Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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