She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
