I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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