Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
