What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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