Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
