sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Randomize
