You're so nebulous sometimes
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
