Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
