I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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