so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I have already put on my inside pants.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
