I think I won the penis lottery.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
