he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
