I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
