no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
