I'm so fucking centered right now
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
