Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
you inspire me to be a worse person
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
