They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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