I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
