Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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