The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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