ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Randomize
