I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
