I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
