Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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