I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize