i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
