I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
