R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
im holly from the hills drunk
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
