I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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