I think i peed on brittanys purse
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
