YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
