: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
