She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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