I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Its about making memories worth repressing
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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