you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
