"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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