I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
