i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
