You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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