Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
organizing the empties. That sober.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
You pole danced in your parka.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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