You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
