Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
