My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
