So drunk its hurt
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Randomize
