if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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